Mystery Behind Biggie and 2Pac’s Murders Solved In India

It appears that 30 years on, the mystery surrounding two of the most high profile murders in the world of music have been solved.

Biggie Smalls and Tupac Shakur were both murdered in the streets 6 months apart and both murders have remained unsolved. Until now.

In a confession that has sent shockwaves through the hip hop community and rocked the world in general, a squad that works closely with the Indian government called the Gau Rakshaks Army and Military (GRAM) has taken responsibility.

A representative of the GRAM told us that they used a time machine and went back in time to get rid of the two influential rappers because, “they had beef”.

“Everybody knows that Biggie and Pac had beef… and beef is not good. They just had to go.” said, Mr. Gautam Mutra, leader of the GRAM, as he took responsibility for the killings. “We have had the technology for time travel for millennia. We just had to look into ancient scriptures for details on how to build a time machine. It took a lot of time, tax payers money and cow urine but in the end we are doing God’s (and the Prime Minister’s) work, so it’s ok. Also, Juicy is the best hip hop tune of all time. Case closed.”

We spoke to Delhi native, Ms. Manpreet Cowr who told us, “this is a great initiative and our sanskaar needs to be preserved by ridding the world of beef. In fact they should go after 50 Cent and Ja Rule next since no one gives a shit about them anyway”

All across the world people seem to be in shock because no one believes that, “having beef” is a legitimate reason to kill somebody.

Meanwhile, back in India, rappers Divine and Naezy are pretending to be best friends.  “Apne ko off kar daalega yeh punter log. Apan beef-weef nahi rakhte ba.” Divine said, as Naezy concluded, “Apne mohalle mein ek-ich motto hai buntai, ‘gully mein beef toh tereko takleef’  kisi se bhi puch le.”

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