A panel at the recently held Amsterdam Dance Event in Mumbai, led by the Indian Minister of Labour and Employment, Mr. Bandaru Dattatreya has announced that DJing has surpassed engineering to be the most sought after profession in India
“Take a walk around Bandra”, he began. “Everyone between the ages of 13 and 40 are either playing regularly in clubs or starting their own music labels and promotion agencies. We are supporting this new and upcoming trade by setting up a committee to help youngsters follow their dreams and make India proud by being the best in the world at warping tracks on Ableton. It is our dream that one day, cracked versions of Ableton Live and Virtual DJ will be available to people from any caste, creed or gender. And that one day, all the world’s Mixcloud sets will be outsourced to India”
Referring to surveys conducted in urban parts of the country, Mr. Dattatreya let on that parents everywhere are pushing their children to take up DJing as a career instead of engineering because it is known that engineers love metal and Sahil Makhija, along with his life partner, Facebook, have educated the world on how hard it is to make ends meet as a professional metal-head.
“DJs make three times the amount of money just standing around pushing buttons” Dattatreya told us. “Why should anyone spend time and money mastering a craft? Whether it’s a guitar tuned in drop D or software coding.”
Our research team spoke to Rahul, a 15 year old Mumbai DJ who has been touring Bandra for the last 2 years and he told us that youth today no longer look to Bill Gates or Mark Zuckerberg as heroes any more and have chosen the likes of DJ Chetas to be their idols. Rahul himself hopes to use whatever little talent he has and break into “DJ Mag’s Top 100” in the next year or two and then, “pull an Avicii” by “retiring at the age of 20 because playing a different venue in Bandra every evening can be tiring.”
A source at the Ministry of Labour and Employment (a MOLE, sorry we couldn’t resist that one) informed us that they have selected Bobby Deol as the face for their cause since he perfectly represents the fact that, “Anyone (who can count to 4) can be a DJ.”